What about when you don't feel submissive?

Note: This post deals primarily with a 24/7 FLR, though many of these could be examined and turned over for temporary D/s relationships as well.

I’m not feeling very submissive today.

Intellectually, I know tht that’s okay. I know that ebbs and flows in submissive and dominance feelings are like ebbs and flows of all other feelings. They’re circumstantial, and the feeling will return.

Emotionally, I feel like shit. The last few days I’ve been so submissive. I’ve been proud of my submission, and actually pretty damned proud of myself. I’ve been a better person, friendlier at the office, friendlier at other events, less prone to losing my temper…. All of my contrariness was gone.

Then I got laid. Not only did I get laid, I got a full-blown release, cumming buckets and getting ridden post-orgasm until my cock flopped like a wet noodle. I heard about submission disappearing post-orgasm, but I filed it away in the back of my mind and didn’t give it any thought.

It couldn’t have happened at a worse time, either. I spent last night with my thoughts bouncing around in my head gearing up for a series of arguments over spending and budget at work. I’m trying to stop frivolous expenses on a certain project, and the closer I got to going in to work, the more amped up I was for the arguments.

I know that my desire to have an orgasm is directly related to how bad I want to serve her. I know that since I came I haven't felt submissive at all, and I feel terrible about it.

I’ve spent the entire day wanting to punch my cubicle walls, and part of it is because I worried so much about the argument, and part of it is because I feel I failed in my submission.

I seem to have lost the argument at work (my bosses’ boss caved), and to top it off, the thing I have been waiting for (my collar!) came today, and I’m not feeling it.

Miss Anne understands, of course, we’ve put off the collaring until I can sort myself out mentally. It can’t be special if I can’t be present and, in the moment, to enjoy it. If I feel like shit, the whole thing is going to fizzle, and neither of us want that.

I didn’t even say my daily affirmations the past two days. That has to be contributing as well.

But what can I do?

I can attempt to deepen my submission. I have a number of options, none of which I have tried yet (except the blogging/journaling part, that’s literally now)…

Also now.

I can add importance to my rituals, giving them extra weight. I could, for instance, kneel at the foot of the bed at night and say my daily affirmations in front of my mistress as though in prayer. I currently say them in the car before I go into work.

I can add to my daily routines. Typically routines are service oriented tasks that remind a submissive of their place in the dominance hierarchy. If you live in a house with children as we do, these routines should typically be service oriented, and non-sexual in nature. I could, for instance, start bringing my wife her dinner, restaurant style, waiting until after she’s seated to set the food in front of her. I could set the table for the family nightly. I could make my wife her coffee every morning and bring it to wherever she is at. I could ask her permission to use the toilet or shower (only to ensure that she doesn’t need to use it first, hygiene is not going by the wayside here).

We could add rituals to our day. Once I am collared, she has said that I can’t sleep or shower in it (I shower early in the morning). We could make a daily ritual of my collaring and its removal. I could, for instance have to kiss her feet before I enter the bed, or perhaps kiss her hand when she returns from an absence (say coming home from work, or returning from a car trip).

Another option is punishment. I have to tell you that the idea of being bent over the bed and paddled for not feeling submissive certainly makes me want to submit. But right now I don’t know if that’s me wanting to top from the bottom, wanting to atone for my lack of submission, or just looking for funishment.

Submissives should consider their submission, and why they don’t particularly feel submissive at any given time (dominants, too, should consider when they don’t feel like dominating, maybe there’s a pattern to be identified or tracked). The differences between now and yesterday should be considered, and I recommend all subs keep a blog / journal (you’re reading mine) so that issues can be examined later in a new light. This allows for the D/s relationship to be considered and inspected as the mutual, trusting, loving thing that it should be, instead of looking at it when your head is not in the right place (like now).

Maybe later on you as a partnership or couple can look at the times when one wasn’t feeling in it and mitigate those times in the future. There is, always, however the possibility that this period of lighter submissive feelings is transitory. Only you as a couple can tell, and only if you examine it together, as partners in this D/s dynamic.

I’m going to talk to my Goddess tonight after she reads this, and ask her to help me get on track.

What about you? Has there been a time when you didn't feel submissive or dominant? How did you fix it? DID you fix it?